"There are just better ways."

My brother has had this blog for years--www.dibson.net
I was just looking at it. I think I'll always look up to him a lot. I like how we've become better friends over the years--you know, rather than just siblings--but there will always be this little part of me that just looks up to him, making it hard for me to just see us as good friends. I always say that that's one of my problems. I often hold people so high above me so that even if I have the opportunity to be friends with them, it doesn't happen quite like it should because there is that feeling hanging in the air that I can never really see myself as an equal to this person. Whoever they may be. It's one of those things that seems to be improving though, little by little, over the years. I guess the more you accept little things about yourself, the more you can adapt to it rather than just trying to wipe it out.

The point of this post, though, was actually that my brother's blog made me want to pick like.. one thing, one subject, and just learn a LOT about it. I guess that's what college is for, in a way. Hahah.. I mean, I guess right now I have chosen anthropology. Which I do want to learn about. But I was just reading for class and I couldn't focus completely on it.

While I know that I need to do these readings, and while I know that I can sometimes get something really good out of them, I think I need something else to keep me excited about just learning. I feel like my brother uses his blog--along with lots of other little things he does--to try to keep his mind going and to be excited about things or feel good about them. Of course, that's something he and I and a LOT of people have trouble keeping up with sometimes. It just seems like it would be a good idea to pick one random topic or little thing that I like and see how much I can learn about it.

"There are just better ways. I don't know if there's anything to get or not get--there are just better ways." (I don't know. Damian just said this to me the other day, completely out of the blue. I love when people hit you with something unexpected like that.)